Dine for the Charleston

I realize that dining "a la russe" has been the established pattern of long standing, but I hold to the traditional etiquette, and certainly wish to set a good example for my associates, who need it. When attending their functions, I have been subjected to the most vulgar and barbaric of tables, with no courses served(I hesitate to even call them by this name, as such should more properly be designated as a "remove"), and the most tasteless of displays, suffered with the excuse that they are "centerpieces."

With this being the case, I wish to hold a formal dining party to show the denizens of my trailer park how things *should* be done. As it has been long since I have had the pleasure of attending formal dining, however, I am at a loss as to the serving order for some items. When in the serving order should one present the head cheese, and will Slim Jims™ suffice to substitute for the presentation of the roast joint? I also am uncertain as to when I might offer the government cheese—yes, I know that no proper lady would accept a cheese course, but these are people in process of learning proper society, and, being a realist, I must also make do with what I have.

I appreciate your most kindly rendered advice.
Oh yes! Little Debbie® is a credit to any fine table. I’ll pick up some on my way home, sugar.

*smooches*

Serving order isn’t important…as long as you’re serving up copious amounts of The Nolte’s homemade moonshine, will anyone really notice?

Hey, don’t forget dessert! Little Debbie snack cakes. May I suggest those Zebra Stripe things?

I realize that dining "a la russe" has been the established pattern of long standing, but I hold to the traditional etiquette, and certainly wish to set a good example for my associates, who need it. When attending their functions, I have been subjected to the most vulgar and barbaric of tables, with no courses served(I hesitate to even call them by this name, as such should more properly be designated as a "remove"), and the most tasteless of displays, suffered with the excuse that they are "centerpieces."

With this being the case, I wish to hold a formal dining party to show the denizens of my trailer park how things *should* be done. As it has been long since I have had the pleasure of attending formal dining, however, I am at a loss as to the serving order for some items. When in the serving order should one present the head cheese, and will Slim Jims™ suffice to substitute for the presentation of the roast joint? I also am uncertain as to when I might offer the government cheese—yes, I know that no proper lady would accept a cheese course, but these are people in process of learning proper society, and, being a realist, I must also make do with what I have.

I appreciate your most kindly rendered advice.
Oh yes! Little Debbie® is a credit to any fine table. I’ll pick up some on my way home, sugar.

*smooches*

Serving order isn’t important…as long as you’re serving up copious amounts of The Nolte’s homemade moonshine, will anyone really notice?

Hey, don’t forget dessert! Little Debbie snack cakes. May I suggest those Zebra Stripe things?

John, Jim and Joy attend a class on dating etiquttes.
After a few minutes of introduction talk, the instructor asked John,"On ur first date with a lovely girl from a sophisticated family, if u wanted to excuse urself what wud u tell her?"

John said," i wud say, i need to pee. i ll be back in a min."

The shocked lady now turned to Jim and asked "what wud u say?"

Jim said," I need to got to the toilet…. plz excuse me…"

"Now that was better. however using the word ‘toilet’ when ur dining is not so proper…. so wat wud u do joy", asked the lady

Joy replied," I need to go now and shake hands with my friend whom i wish to introduce to u after dinner….."

The instructor now had fainted….

A clever Joy !!! What an Answer, Sober at the same time absolutely truthful …………Very intelligent guy !!! I hope after completeing the class successfully his friend must have had fabulous number of introductions with his unlimited girlfriends !!! Great One !!!

John, Jim and Joy attend a class on dating etiquttes.
After a few minutes of introduction talk, the instructor asked John,"On ur first date with a lovely girl from a sophisticated family, if u wanted to excuse urself what wud u tell her?"

John said," i wud say, i need to pee. i ll be back in a min."

The shocked lady now turned to Jim and asked "what wud u say?"

Jim said," I need to got to the toilet…. plz excuse me…"

"Now that was better. however using the word ‘toilet’ when ur dining is not so proper…. so wat wud u do joy", asked the lady

Joy replied," I need to go now and shake hands with my friend whom i wish to introduce to u after dinner….."

The instructor now had fainted….

A clever Joy !!! What an Answer, Sober at the same time absolutely truthful …………Very intelligent guy !!! I hope after completeing the class successfully his friend must have had fabulous number of introductions with his unlimited girlfriends !!! Great One !!!

Sometimes you just have to break away from the old and get on with the new. This was the thought of Jim Steinberger as he dragged his wife’s body of forty years into the garden behind their house. By forty I mean that her body was forty years old. The girl she had been twenty years prior, when they had met, was all but gone. As Jim dragged her off the last step leading down to the garden that they had made together, her head hit the cobble with an unceremonious thud. Life is full of landmarks and the sound her head made hitting the first stone of the path seemed to linger on Jim. This sound was one of those landmark moments, he thought. The last sound she would ever make aside from the swishing sound of dragging she would soon be making after Jim took a little breather. He turned and plodded a few steps into the light of the setting October sun and sort of spun and fell on his butt. He sat there on the ground looking at the scene in front of him breathing hard at first but slowing as he retrieved a smoke out of his shirt pocket. This was definitely not on his list of things to do today when he woke up. This day was to be just another regular one of those sitting-around-on-the-weekend days, sipping mixed drinks on the usual Saturday-afternoon-day, possibly with a neighbor or two. A regular day where he would have awoken and puttered around town or in his little wood-crafts shop adjoining the garage making a chair or some other project that he had plucked a pattern for at the local hardware store. But no, today had turned out to be most extraordinary for Jim and his wife. Most extraordinary.
Elizabeth had been sitting at the table in the dining room going through old photos when it had happened. It was sort of ironic that she would be holding that one photo at the moment she had passed. The photo was of a brick road that she had taken on a trip to Vermont they had gone on years earlier. Jim remembered how he would asked her why she had taken the picture because he hadn’t seen anything exceptional about the photo, just a brick road that so many cities seem to be so proud of preserving. She never would answer the question. She would just stare off into the distance with this funny look on her face as if she was looking at something she didn’t understand. It was almost the same look on her face when she had seen what Jim was holding in his hand as he walked toward her. Though this look had a new aspect, a certain loneliness that made Jim feel an odd sense of embarrassment. A feeling that may have even contributed to his commitment. As if the way she had looked at him just made him want to get on with it as quickly as possible, and he had done just that. He certainly had done that.

Yes, you have the knack. My only criticism is that the back-story keeps the tension you need at bay. Especially if this is the beginning, get out your red pen and trim off the fat. Reward the reader for picking up your book and opening to chatper one. Give him enough reward to reach for his wallet and buy.

Sometimes you just have to break away from the old and get on with the new. This was the thought of Jim Steinberger as he dragged his wife’s body of forty years into the garden behind their house. By forty I mean that her body was forty years old. The girl she had been twenty years prior, when they had met, was all but gone. As Jim dragged her off the last step leading down to the garden that they had made together, her head hit the cobble with an unceremonious thud. Life is full of landmarks and the sound her head made hitting the first stone of the path seemed to linger on Jim. This sound was one of those landmark moments, he thought. The last sound she would ever make aside from the swishing sound of dragging she would soon be making after Jim took a little breather. He turned and plodded a few steps into the light of the setting October sun and sort of spun and fell on his butt. He sat there on the ground looking at the scene in front of him breathing hard at first but slowing as he retrieved a smoke out of his shirt pocket. This was definitely not on his list of things to do today when he woke up. This day was to be just another regular one of those sitting-around-on-the-weekend days, sipping mixed drinks on the usual Saturday-afternoon-day, possibly with a neighbor or two. A regular day where he would have awoken and puttered around town or in his little wood-crafts shop adjoining the garage making a chair or some other project that he had plucked a pattern for at the local hardware store. But no, today had turned out to be most extraordinary for Jim and his wife. Most extraordinary.
Elizabeth had been sitting at the table in the dining room going through old photos when it had happened. It was sort of ironic that she would be holding that one photo at the moment she had passed. The photo was of a brick road that she had taken on a trip to Vermont they had gone on years earlier. Jim remembered how he would asked her why she had taken the picture because he hadn’t seen anything exceptional about the photo, just a brick road that so many cities seem to be so proud of preserving. She never would answer the question. She would just stare off into the distance with this funny look on her face as if she was looking at something she didn’t understand. It was almost the same look on her face when she had seen what Jim was holding in his hand as he walked toward her. Though this look had a new aspect, a certain loneliness that made Jim feel an odd sense of embarrassment. A feeling that may have even contributed to his commitment. As if the way she had looked at him just made him want to get on with it as quickly as possible, and he had done just that. He certainly had done that.
Just about the time he started digging, Jim heard the faint ringing of the phone in the kitchen. He muttered a curse under his breath about telephone solicitors and kept digging. The soil was rich and fertile and gave way easily to his shovel. After only a half-hour of steady work he figured the hole was deep enough. Lizzie rolled neatly into the hole without a single peep of protest to disturb the redbird singing gaily from the hedge that bordered their property.

this excerpt seems a lttle kingish,

feedback and criticism appreciated

"The Brick Road" by cloud 9 (lol!)

Sometimes you just have to break away from the old and get on with the new. This was the thought of Jim Steinberger as he dragged his wife’s body of forty years into the garden behind their house. By forty I mean that her body was forty years old. The girl she had been twenty years prior, when they had met, was all but gone. As Jim dragged her off the last step leading down to the garden that they had made together, her head hit the cobble with an unceremonious thud. Life is full of landmarks and the sound her head made hitting the first stone of the path seemed to linger on Jim. This sound was one of those landmark moments, he thought. The last sound she would ever make aside from the swishing sound of dragging she would soon be making after Jim took a little breather. He turned and plodded a few steps into the light of the setting October sun and sort of spun and fell on his butt. He sat there on the ground looking at the scene in front of him breathing hard at first but slowing as he retrieved a smoke out of his shirt pocket. This was definitely not on his list of things to do today when he woke up. This day was to be just another regular one of those sitting-around-on-the-weekend days, sipping mixed drinks on the usual Saturday-afternoon-day, possibly with a neighbor or two. A regular day where he would have awoken and puttered around town or in his little wood-crafts shop adjoining the garage making a chair or some other project that he had plucked a pattern for at the local hardware store. But no, today had turned out to be most extraordinary for Jim and his wife. Most extraordinary.
Elizabeth had been sitting at the table in the dining room going through old photos when it had happened. It was sort of ironic that she would be holding that one photo at the moment she had passed. The photo was of a brick road that she had taken on a trip to Vermont they had gone on years earlier. Jim remembered how he would asked her why she had taken the picture because he hadn’t seen anything exceptional about the photo, just a brick road that so many cities seem to be so proud of preserving. She never would answer the question. She would just stare off into the distance with this funny look on her face as if she was looking at something she didn’t understand. It was almost the same look on her face when she had seen what Jim was holding in his hand as he walked toward her. Though this look had a new aspect, a certain loneliness that made Jim feel an odd sense of embarrassment. A feeling that may have even contributed to his commitment. As if the way she had looked at him just made him want to get on with it as quickly as possible, and he had done just that. He certainly had done that.
Just about the time he started digging, Jim heard the faint ringing of the phone in the kitchen. He muttered a curse under his breath about telephone solicitors and kept digging. The soil was rich and fertile and gave way easily to his shovel. After only a half-hour of steady work he figured the hole was deep enough. Lizzie rolled neatly into the hole without a single peep of protest to disturb the redbird singing gaily from the hedge that bordered their property.
thanks all.

doyoube- yea,i guess maybe you are right a bit. i,ve seen the movie but i’m not sure that i read the book. i think that was about madness and something about amnesia? anyway, i do like stephen king. i’ve read tommyknockers, atlantis, the talisman. i really want to go in that direction maybe.

i’m sorry to say that i didn’t read what you posted. it’s too long and i’m not used to reading novels/intros/whatever for that matter, online. although i can suggest on how you can improve your work, if it needs some. you can go here: http://www.writersdigest.com/article/what-agents-hate/.

i read the first couple of lines and it looks good from there. good luck!

ps. don’t post your ideas online unless it’s in your website. you don’t want anyone to steal it. you know how the internet works.

I am following up on an earlier question.

I did not get harmed by this big piece of metal that was in my food, but I nearly digested it.

It was at Jims Steakout in Buffalo, I did not dine in. I took my phone back to work where I noticed the object after taking a huge bite….I immediately motioned to my coworkers who saw the same thing, so there would be 3 witnesses.

I didnt immediately contact management over there because I usually see them every day so I was goign to say something tomorrow, but I just called and I got the managers name and he acknowledged the fact that there was something wrong and that they replaced their "spatula" so they wouldnt have that problem anymore.

I still have the object in my possession and I took a picture.

http://img13.imageshack.us/my.php?image=1234997275285qk5.jpg

You tell me if I have any sort of case here…? Is it worth pursuing. Because I now I would never eat at this place or any other fast food joint for quite some time.
I dont get the no harm no foul thing…Can you expand?

I dont see how it is ethically right to have metal in your food that you are serving to hundreds of people a day. I am sure OSHA would say no harm no foul, too? You cant put metal in your food, thats a fact. But for me, is it worth suing is what I am asking
My problem is that it is a terrible business practice. It is not my fault if they go out of business. Follow government rules and regulations….or better yet get an education if youre working at a fast food place.
LOL. The last guy couldnt be further from the truth.

You have to prove 2 things.

1) that you suffered some sort of real harm (lost wages, medical bills, etc) as a result of this ("pain and suffering" dont count)

2) that you did not put the object in your food yourself. Of course your buddies would back up that you didnt. They have many high priced lawyers that will likely harp this point.

You didnt mention 1 and you dont have solid proof of 2, so you dont have any sort of legal case. I dont see this as an "ethical" battle since you are concerned about financial gain (when you can simply contact the media to raise awareness).

Call a lawyer if you really think you have a chance, but for every one you hire (and pay for), they hire 10. Ignore it and eat somewhere else.

Luv from a Distance

I watch ye brush ya hare,
I see you choose yer clothes,
My heart goes pitter-patter,
You got the cutest little nose.

I watch ye lock yer door,
I see you in yer car,
Yer all I ever dreamed of,
Ye lost a hubcap off ye tar.

I foller ye to ye momma’s,
watch ye hug her nack,
I see ye buyin groceries,
baggin ‘em in a sack.

I see ye at tha jim,
I luv to watch ye jog,
I went down to tha auction,
And bought a brand new hawg.

One day you’ll be mine,
Ain’t no doubt in ma mind,
I’ll take ye to a movie,
Then ye’ll git wined and dined.

it’s cool

-You have a choice of 2 ovens. The used oven is $100 less than the new oven, but its calibration is off by 20 degrees. Which 1 is better buy
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-A study to determine if job absenteeism is distributed evenly over a week.
-Mels Diner has been surveying their customers for the past couple of years about their dining experience in the restaurant. The survey uses a scale of 1 to 5, 5 is the best. Mel’s customer satisfaction averaged 2.5 last year, but this year it is 2.9. Is this difference statistically significant
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parametric data can be evaluated by statistical methods assuming normal distributions.

non-parametric data assumes the distribution is not normal.